Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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