Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
