Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
