im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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