They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
