we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
