i just google imaged poop.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
