You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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