I think im going to throw up on grandma
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
