so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
