you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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