does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
