Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
