Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
