he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I woke up under a house in Key West
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