I wish my penis had an off switch
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Hippo gnu deer
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He did a backflip because drugs
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