i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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