Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
