Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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