Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
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I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
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There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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