there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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