Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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