Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
