They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
