Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
