my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
