I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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