I'm jealous of your bromance
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
