Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
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