Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
