There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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