whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
there is puke in my bra ... again
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
