I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
