i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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