the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
