He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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