I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
