Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
