Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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