Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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