I just threw up on my dentist
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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