Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
