plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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