After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
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You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
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how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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