guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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