she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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