there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
