Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
