I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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