My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
