CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
