worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
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