I'm so fucking centered right now
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
