He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
