We named our party play list daddy issues
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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