woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
