I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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