thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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