Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
