I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
