she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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