1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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